What is EGO?
When we have thoughts about our self that we agree with we construct a self-image. The kinds of thoughts that contribute to the ego structure are:
“I’m not good at math.”
“I am smart.”
“My freckles make me ugly.”
“Nobody likes me.”
“I am better than you.”
“That was stupid of me.”
“I am smart.”
“My freckles make me ugly.”
“Nobody likes me.”
“I am better than you.”
“That was stupid of me.”
The ego hides behind the “I” and “me” in those declarative thoughts and statements about our identity (Van Wamerdam, 2013) .
As I was reading through the article, I couldn't agree more with the author. But, what makes me reading all this out of a sudden? Especially at 3.15 a.m. like this.
So, here is my story for the night...
I slept early and forgot to take dinner, so, that makes me unable to sleep well. And so, I tend to be awake in the middle of the night because I'm hungry or thirsty. When I got out of the room, I saw him falling asleep on the chair (like lazyboy) in his study room. After I drink a glass of water and talked to Diwa (pet), I went to him, as usual to wake him up to sleep properly on the bed, but here was the conversation that took place:
me: "Still doing the same thing?" Because he was trying to fix the internet as though it has so many problems...but all you need to do was just fill up some kinds of forms and be done with it within few hours. But he took like 2 nights for it. And slept there.
him: "Did I bother you?" with raised voice.
me: "No, but it's not good to fall asleep here again. You might get a backache later." I was sleepy, so I talked softly and perhaps sleepily to him.
him: "Get rid of the mosquitoes first, and can you go away from here,"
Ouch. His response just hurts me. I was being concern of his well-being, but it seems like I was bothering him too much. Yes, I think I did, but out of concern. He could've used more decent words or appropriate tones. Instead, I got scolded.
My intention was good. But maybe he's just tired that he let out such response. And as I was going to go to bed again with a mosquito spray on my hand, I was a bit upset. I don't know why, but maybe because of hormon imbalance associated with pregnancy (Yes, I'm in 30 weeks of pregnancy). So, this caused me to overthink about it. See? Just because of a short conversation I had with him, I googled about EGO. It's a good read though. Not just that, I read a few websites about INSECURITY and NARCISSISTS too.
But it lasted as long as I'm typing.. I feel sleepy, but hungry, and lazy to cook or even eat something. So, let's just wait till it's breakfast time. Hmmmm, but I wouldn't be able to sleep well with empty stomach [cry]. LOL
Okay, I better try to sleep now.. Goodnight.
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