He was a happy man.
They were a happy family.
But, what happened till he gets cold on and off?
Was it me?
Or was it him?
Hello guys. It's been a while since I last write anything. I couldn't find the link to my old blog, thus, I can't post it there. I noticed that in this blog last I blogged was on 2014, and about craps. lol.
So, just an update. In short, my life has been upside down.
I'm still unable to get a job. A steady job. All because I don't even know what I wanted to do. All this time I've been wondering what I was up to. My ambition keep changing when I was in high school. So does boyfriends. lol What remains the same is family bond. But I don't know whether it is stronger or not because now I have an issue that makes me uncomfortable to contact with my family, especially my dad. And that makes me really upset.
Anyway, as nobody knows, I've got no friends. Friends that I thought would be my best friend couldn't even be there when I need them. It happened quite a lot of times and all I got was excuses. I guess it's just maturity. It didn't happen to them. So, they don't know. But I also made up excuses to soothe my own feelings so that I would never be influenced by the negativity. But deep inside, I'm still the lonely girl. I might showed a tough act and nobody would know how I felt. My friends see me as someone cool, but, only I know how hard it was to hide all these feelings.
"Let them see me as someone stupid,"
"Let me be the strong girl in the class,"
"I can do this alone,"
All these are my thoughts at that time. What was I thinking?
All these acts now has made me more worse than before. I remain single. My social life is actually very bad. No friendship was established since 3 years ago. All because that stupid people. Actually it was because of me. I let them ruin me. I don't love myself. I love others more than I love myself. In return, what did I get?
There are things unexplainable and still remain unspoken. The purpose of this post was to let out a bit of my feelings; anger, frustration, disappoinment, confusion, loneliness and more. My current state now is 'I would rather jump from this floor or cut my arteries till I bleed out'.
But once again I told myself "Why do I have to suffer because of others? Why is it me that have to hurt myself when they don't care?" Just the question 'WHY'..
I wasn't like this before. I don't give care about all these stupid things. Well, I don't remember who said that experience is the best teacher, but, yeah it's true. Everything that I faced makes me stronger. If not, I wouldn't still be here to write this. lol
Let's say that I've got good and bad experiences like any other people. But is it the same? I believed it's not the same, and everyone faces different challenges and how they took it also different. And who am I to judge, right?
Okay, back to the first few sentences I wrote. i'm sure based on my previous post, you might be able to guess that 'man' refers to whom. There is only a post about him and I didn't update any others.
The purpose of this post is that I just want to talk (or write) about my feelings right now.. I can still handle it. When I'm at my weakest point I'll let it all out. Like ALL out, even the sensitive issue as well. It might be somewhere else, only I know.
And please, anyone, answer my questions below. I'm not begging, but asking for answers. I'm tired seeking out answers when in return all I got was heartaches and disappointment. Were that the true answers?
Why is it that because of others, other people has to be get hurt?
What does responsibility covers in adult life?
How do people, men and women appreciate each other? In terms of dating and marriage.
When are you most likely to take responsibility?
That's all for now. See you again, hopefully.
They were a happy family.
But, what happened till he gets cold on and off?
Was it me?
Or was it him?
Hello guys. It's been a while since I last write anything. I couldn't find the link to my old blog, thus, I can't post it there. I noticed that in this blog last I blogged was on 2014, and about craps. lol.
So, just an update. In short, my life has been upside down.
I'm still unable to get a job. A steady job. All because I don't even know what I wanted to do. All this time I've been wondering what I was up to. My ambition keep changing when I was in high school. So does boyfriends. lol What remains the same is family bond. But I don't know whether it is stronger or not because now I have an issue that makes me uncomfortable to contact with my family, especially my dad. And that makes me really upset.
Anyway, as nobody knows, I've got no friends. Friends that I thought would be my best friend couldn't even be there when I need them. It happened quite a lot of times and all I got was excuses. I guess it's just maturity. It didn't happen to them. So, they don't know. But I also made up excuses to soothe my own feelings so that I would never be influenced by the negativity. But deep inside, I'm still the lonely girl. I might showed a tough act and nobody would know how I felt. My friends see me as someone cool, but, only I know how hard it was to hide all these feelings.
"Let them see me as someone stupid,"
"Let me be the strong girl in the class,"
"I can do this alone,"
All these are my thoughts at that time. What was I thinking?
All these acts now has made me more worse than before. I remain single. My social life is actually very bad. No friendship was established since 3 years ago. All because that stupid people. Actually it was because of me. I let them ruin me. I don't love myself. I love others more than I love myself. In return, what did I get?
There are things unexplainable and still remain unspoken. The purpose of this post was to let out a bit of my feelings; anger, frustration, disappoinment, confusion, loneliness and more. My current state now is 'I would rather jump from this floor or cut my arteries till I bleed out'.
But once again I told myself "Why do I have to suffer because of others? Why is it me that have to hurt myself when they don't care?" Just the question 'WHY'..
I wasn't like this before. I don't give care about all these stupid things. Well, I don't remember who said that experience is the best teacher, but, yeah it's true. Everything that I faced makes me stronger. If not, I wouldn't still be here to write this. lol
Let's say that I've got good and bad experiences like any other people. But is it the same? I believed it's not the same, and everyone faces different challenges and how they took it also different. And who am I to judge, right?
Okay, back to the first few sentences I wrote. i'm sure based on my previous post, you might be able to guess that 'man' refers to whom. There is only a post about him and I didn't update any others.
The purpose of this post is that I just want to talk (or write) about my feelings right now.. I can still handle it. When I'm at my weakest point I'll let it all out. Like ALL out, even the sensitive issue as well. It might be somewhere else, only I know.
And please, anyone, answer my questions below. I'm not begging, but asking for answers. I'm tired seeking out answers when in return all I got was heartaches and disappointment. Were that the true answers?
Why is it that because of others, other people has to be get hurt?
What does responsibility covers in adult life?
How do people, men and women appreciate each other? In terms of dating and marriage.
When are you most likely to take responsibility?
That's all for now. See you again, hopefully.
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